No, the sale of Girl Scout Cookies is not an elaborate ruse to help fund the U.S. military, but it is likely a conspiracy nonetheless, because how do these little girls manage to sell so many cookies to so many people I know despite the fact that I don’t even know any people who have children?
But skipping ahead of my suspicions and on to my preferences, I offer a definitive ranking of the goods — not that I’ve eaten several boxes lately:
- Samoas (racist?)
- Tagalongs
- Thin Mints
- Do-Si-Dos
- The lemon ones with the cream
- The remaining cookies are fraudulent
Apropos, did you know that the Boy Scouts sell popcorn? I know this because I quit the Boy Scouts after a month of failing to discern a compelling strategy to market gourmet popcorn to working class Baptists. That cinemas manage to pull this off is, dare I suggest it, a conspiracy.
